As I worked on the calendar and themes for this year, I found myself starting a large theme, but a couple of weeks later. This week and the next on the calendar were blank in terms of a theme or a talk.
I've learned not to fret about this type of intuition. There's a reason I feel a certain way in my decision-making process, even if I don't fully understand it in the present moment.
As it turned out, the weather today wasn't ideal, so starting a new series was not the best choice for today. Everything is in order.
I've been asked by several people in the past month if Divine Order means that everything is planned in the universe and our lives. Do we have any control over the events happening to us, or have we set a specific path into motion by being here on this planet at this time?
There are numerous theories about time and its nature. Literature and theater are filled with amazing stories exploring time, time travel, the nature of free will, and what is set as a permanent point in time.
It's a fascinating topic. From the perspective of the here and now, from the vantage point of this personality living in this human form, do we have choices? If the Universe, if Divinity, if Spirit is all-knowing, all-present, and all-encompassing, is there even a chance for us to be anything else? Is everything happening at any given time already planned out? Essentially, what is the reason to be here in the first place?
In one way, we need to be honest and admit that we just don't have a clue for sure. If we did, science fiction and fantasy writing wouldn't even be an art form. We understand that there is a matrix, an ocean, a stream of connectivity for all our individual consciousness. We are Divinity. We are the Universe seeing the nature of existence and love from a human perspective. Given that, our humanness is always in flux. We make decisions, interpret the world around us, and decide how the Universe understands itself.
As individuals and as a human collective, we are growing, moving, learning, and shaping the existence of ourselves and others from moment to moment. We have the power to decide; we also have the power to heal.
Healing is another way of expressing the alignment and recognition of love in any situation. It is bringing our awareness to our ever-present Divinity.
This sometimes involves a change of perspective. It's a way we may time travel and heal our own past. We bring love, compassion, and awareness to the events that we carry with us at any given time.
This doesn't mean that the past did not happen. It did. It means we start to look at all perceptions and vantage points available to reform how we may understand and feel about any situation or occurrence.
There is a saying that life is a lesson. I prefer to say that life is an experience. It is a lesson in that we learn something, but it isn't a lesson imposed upon us. As Divinity, as the Universe with a human perspective and outlook, we decide what it is we have learned and how to interpret our experience.
How does that translate into the past?
In my own life, there have been many years in which I did not feel the need to acknowledge my own birthday. I celebrated and planned other days of celebration, but often even my closest friends did not know the date of my birthday. A few years back, I decided that was a bit silly, and I was determined to celebrate in a way that made me happy. This decision ended up not sitting well with some of my family, as it was not how they wanted to celebrate with me.
I backed off again, not even wanting to consider my own day, often hiding from the world until it passed.
When sitting with this situation and working on my own healing, this situation came to mind. But it came to mind through dealing with another situation in which I realized I felt unworthy and not good enough. When I sat with that feeling of unworthiness, my birthday during my Kindergarten year came to mind. I was excited that year. I was in a classroom where the kids around me were all excited and would bring in treats, wear a special hat, and celebrate their birthday. I asked for a celebration from my parents, wanting to invite people over, wear a hat, and have a party. I was told no party. I was told that was not the way to do things. Later that same year, we had a combined birthday for my brothers with a Halloween theme since they were both born in October. It is interesting that even as I recount this and write out this talk for today, my heart has started to race.
Now, I know many of you at this moment are probably thinking how terrible that was, and no wonder I felt like my birthday didn't matter, and how awful my parents are for doing that.
Honestly, I did not even remember this whole thing until I let my heart take me on a journey with the feeling of unworthiness and not good enough. This was one of the earliest memories I had of that feeling. I don’t think the 5-year-old me would have said ‘unworthy’. I do know the 5-year-old me stopped asking for things. I don’t remember asking for anything else until the Commodore computers came out.
What does all this have to do with healing the past?
Well, sitting in that situation, I realized that 5-year-old me had no idea why my parents said no. I have no idea at all. It could have been a dozen different reasons, from asking too close to my birthday, to no money for a party, to something else going on that I have no knowledge of, etc, etc, etc.
I imagined that my parents sat me down and explained what was happening in our lives at that time instead of just saying the “no” that I remember. Then I remembered my mother taking me to three different grocery stores to find a frozen pot pie, as that is what I wanted to eat for my birthday. I don’t know if it was the same year, but I remember her trying. The experience took me from unworthy to compassion.
Compassion is how to change the world. We heal through compassion, recognizing that we don't have each other’s human perspective, and we come to an awareness that Divinity, Intuition, Wisdom can provide us with more perspectives and understanding. We realize that we are all in the same human boat, looking in all different directions from that boat. It is hard to see what someone else is seeing unless we get up and move around the boat.
It is also in the willingness to grow our intuition and to trust it, even when we do not fully understand it.
This doesn't mean that everything is set in stone, that the past, present, and future are already written. It means that some parts are set into motion and need to play out. Like the weather. My intuition said not to create a big plan for today; I did not know why. Turns out it was the weather. Our intuition grows the more we are willing to bring healing, silence, and compassion into the forefront of our human existence. It grows when we recognize the connectivity and the oneness we share in our divinity.